Listening in the Dark Belly of the Whale

I woke this morning with a heavy heart, a furrow deeper than usual between my brow.  My sleep had been punctuated with wild dreams.  My highly detailed and wild dreams are not uncommon. They are usually intense and insightful,  but this one was clearly cloaked in quiet panic.  Back in my dancing days, I auditioned for roles in musicals, happy to dance in the chorus because my voice was not lead material. Choosing a song for auditions was always fretful. Many of the dancers opted for Happy Birthday, which is actually not an easy tune to carry.  Getting up on the stage, standing next to the accompanist, and staring out into the dark abyss of the theatre, almost empty, except for the director, their assistant, and the choreographer, felt like being in the unlit belly of the proverbial whale.  

I could dance my way into anything, but singing was another story altogether.  In my dream, I was standing on that stage with an accompanist, completely unprepared; I couldn't for the life of me ask for a song.  The director waited impatiently for my song choice, the accompanist, looking exhaustingly at the ivory keys, his head nodding in fatigue, and me, frozen in my body. Still, my mind was searching frantically for anything, any song, any reference or note that could get me jump-started.  Anything became nothing, and I woke up still trying to come up with a number that would get me off the stage and out of the belly of the whale.  

Being swallowed by a big fish is a common spiritual theme found in Mythology and religions that spans over time and Religious beliefs.  The mythologist Joseph Campbell tells us in the Hero’s Journey that the belly of the whale is the innermost cave.  It is a process of going inward, to be reborn, and a time of powerful metamorphosis.  There is definitely a sense that this process is a solitary one and that the secular world cannot go with you.

Americans are feeling the weight of discord, the heaviness of unrest, and the darkness of bullets and words, tearing at our already tender fabric of being.  Collectively as a nation, we have been swallowed and carried into unfathomable depths.

We find this “big fish” in the Vedas with Matsyendra, in Aboriginal art, and even in landlocked America, where the Cherokee Indians had a lore of being swallowed by an enormous fish, despite there being no body of water big enough to hold such a beast. The Greeks had Hercules, and the Christians had Jonah.  Humanity has been swallowed and reborn since the beginning of time.

The heroes in these stories ended up in the belly of a whale, down at the bottom of the sea. You can imagine how dark it must have been for these heroes with no outer world available to them.  Each of them had the opportunity, in this dark innermost cave, to rethink their plights, listen deeply to the wisdom within and ultimately be reborn and resurrected in a new form of themselves in a new way of thinking.

I know that the innermost cave, with all of its darkness, and stench of seawater, bones of digested fish and plankton littered on the floor, and the constant swishing and sloshing about on the Ocean floor, is a place of transformation.  I can’t help but feel I am not the only one that a whale has swallowed at this time.  It’s dark.  It’s messy. It is isolating.  It feels separate. 

It’s time to listen. 

Travel back with me to ancient India.  To the shores of a quiet fishing village.  There was an old fisherman who wanted nothing more than to catch the biggest fish in the village.  He prayed and made offerings to have the honor of being the greatest fisherman ever known.  Every day he fished with the expectation of landing a huge fish, and every day he was disappointed.

Meanwhile, at Mt. Kalish, Parvati (Shakti) asks Shiva to teach her the secrets of the Universe.  He, at first, is reticent as it is an enormous task, and he is not sure Parvati is really up to it.  But she begs and implores to know the teachings, to have the wisdom that Shiva has, to know every aspect of the Universe.  So he agrees and begins to hatch a plan so that he may share this knowledge without others overhearing.

Matsyendra continues his devotions, rituals, and prayers to Vishnu without fail, despite his unsuccessful fishing.  Vishnu, seeing his desires are pure of heart, grants him a boon.  Matsyendra goes to the river, like any other day, and casts in his line… and just like that, an enormous fish, a whale of a fish of such amazing size, surges out of the water and gulps down Matsyendra’s line, and Matsyendra himself along with it.  Matsyendra is taken into the belly of the whale and descends all the way to the bottom of the ocean. It is complete darkness in the belly of the whale. He is completely isolated from the outer world.  

Here, he lights a fire in the belly of the whale, providing a little bit of light from driftwood and dried, undigested debris in the whale’s stomach. He finds food in the carcasses, oysters, and clams swallowed whole by his accommodations and settles in, thinking that this is it for him; he caught the biggest fish, and no one would ever know.  

Thousands of years pass, and soft voices awaken a dozing Matsyendra. He leans against the inside belly of the whale, straining to hear, and the voices become crystal clear…it is Shiva, at the very bottom of the ocean with Parvati.  Shiva has taken Parvati to the bottom of the Ocean, and here he begins to tell her the secrets of the Universe. Parvati grows weary and tired and often nods off, so Shiva uses a booming voice.  Matsyendra absorbs all of the teachings of the Universe, all of the magnificent cosmology of heaven and Earth,  knowledge of health and science, and the philosophy of Yoga, he is spellbound here in the belly of the whale absorbing every word that Shiva has spoken, as more years pass the story and secrets of the Universe are coming to a close and Matsyendra deep in thought stokes the fire in the whale’s belly a little too hot.  As the fire burns hotter and hotter, the whale becomes irritated. The great whale rises to the surface and brings Matsyendra to shore, opening his enormous mouth. Matsyendra walks out to be greeted by devotees of Vishnu who are in pilgrimage to him, pilgrimage to this great fisherman.  Matsyendra realizes at that moment that the whale is in fact, Vishnu, the whale is Vishnu who has shapeshifted, Vishnu, who has answered his prayers in a way that he could never have imagined.

Matsyendra became a Maha Siddha, a great sage, and the most highly revered teacher, and is throughout India known as the founder of Hatha Yoga.

Mature spirituality will always teach us to enter willingly and trustingly into the dark periods of life, which is why we speak so much of “faith” or trust. - Joseph Campbell

Matsyendra was devoted to his heart’s desires, and his time in the innermost cave was magnificently rewarded, beyond his wildest dreams.  What he received transcended just becoming a great fisherman; he became a Maha Siddha, possessing supreme spiritual knowledge and power, one of the greatest and revered teachers of all time.

Time in the dark and time in solitude teaches us to trust the process, to keep our ears turned to Source, Wisdom, and Truth.  To know that something bigger is at work. To listen wholeheartedly to the teachings of Love, which is the self-propelling prophecy of the Universe.

We can remind ourselves and others that we, as humanity, have been on the bottom of the Ocean before and we have walked out on shore better for it.  We can stand on the principle that Love always wins.  We can tap into authentic Wisdom by returning to the innermost cave.  And we can know for one another that there is only one Life.

Reflections 

Am I comfortable with discomfort knowing that a greater good is possible?

If I could listen to the omniscient voice of the Universe, what would it say?

In the innermost cave of the heart, what is the atmosphere of my thinking towards myself and others? 

When I step onto the shore of new experience who will I be?